This couple makes their marriage work 5,000 miles apart

By Brelaun Douglas via SWNS

This couple makes their marriage work despite almost 5,000 miles separating them.

Heather Perriam, 45, lives in Seattle, Washington, while her husband Steve, 52, lives in Paignton, England, a staggering 4,746 miles away.

“We've always been long distance,” said Heather, a senior trainer for T-Mobile.

"It's hard because there are times where you really want support and it's frustrating because if something happens on his side before I wake up or on my side after he goes to bed, we can't really talk to each other about it until the next day.”

The couple met in 2012 while playing an online game, initially establishing a friendship.

“We went through divorces together, the divorces were initiated before we were romantically involved just to make that clear,” Heather said.

“Our friendship was built on supporting each other through that.”

A year later, the pair began a romantic relationship and married in Washington in December 2019.

They have an eight-hour time difference and plan their days around speaking with each other.

“I get up pretty early and we video chat for like an hour,” Heather said.

“He goes and finishes his day and I start mine.

“My lunch hour is usually a phone call with him before he goes to bed. He goes to bed about 1 p.m. my time and then I’m on my own.”

Despite the distance, Heather said she and Steve have the same issues as other couples.

“I think people sometimes don’t completely understand that even though we're long distance, we still have the same relationship ups and downs as other people,” she said.

“We’ve had a miscarriage. We’ve had issues with navigating the legal requirements with a visa.”

Still, Heather said the distance brings plenty of positive to their relationship.

“The best is that because we’re separated, our time is so valuable and all we do is talk and talk and talk, so we really know each other in and out,” she said.

“We've had amazing conversations because there's nothing to distract us from that.

“All we can do is learn and he knows me deeply and I know him deeply and it's the amazing benefit of long-distance is that all you have is that conversation in getting to know each other.

“We both did a lot of therapy of learning and growing and just helping ourselves be the best people we could be for each other.

“I love it. We have to plan everything out, so we get to build up a lot of anticipation and excitement, especially when a visit is coming.”

The couple initially planned to see each other once a quarter after they were married until they figured out moving, but had their plans derailed by COVID.

“We’ve ended up going such long sections without seeing each other and it's been really challenging,” Heather said.

But now, Heather is close to being able to move to England to live with Steve, a program manager for a government agency.

“I have two boys that are now grown and he has a son that's 13, so it would have been really disruptive previously for one of us to move,” she said.

“I actually just got my spousal visa approved and that process took a lot longer because of COVID.”

Heather’s advice to anyone dealing with a long-distance relationship is to remember “communication is the key.”

“When we first started our relationship, mobile services weren’t what they are today. We did a lot of communication through text and that can cause a lot of hurt feelings because you can misunderstand something.”

She joked: “I think one of the things that was really surprising for me is that I didn’t anticipate that we'd have so many cultural differences. I just assumed England was like us, but they talk funny.

“He would say things to me and in my head it would mean something different, so I could get upset or feel like he wasn’t taking something seriously when in actuality it was a big deal.

“My husband is neurodivergent - so he's on the Autism spectrum- and things come out for him very directly sometimes.

“Neither one of us knew initially, so then we had to learn, and it’s been the biggest benefit for us because I have to say exactly what I mean.

“We have to be very explicit with how we’re feeling and how we're talking to each other, and it’s made our relationship amazing because of it.”