7 in 10 Gen-Z, millennial singles blame themselves for failed relationships

Are you the anti-hero of your last relationship? A new survey suggests 70% of younger singles claim they were the reason past relationships fizzled out.

A poll of 2,000 Gen-Z and millennial American singles found they also feel like the anti-hero in their current dating experience — 61% of men and 50% of women surveyed assumed they caused their most recent dates to go poorly.

In fact, 75% of men said they “know exactly” what they did to botch their dates, including looking at their phone too much (46%), arriving late (39%) and not offering to pick up the bill (39%).

Overall, 75% claimed their past relationships are a learning experience and 60% are actively working on improving themselves for future relationships. In fact, 93% of them believe their efforts will pay off and lead them directly to finding “The One.”

Commissioned by dating app Plenty of Fish in partnership with nonprofit A Call to Men and conducted by OnePoll, the results found  that nearly three-quarters (74%) of singles — including 80% of men and 69% of women — felt future partners would consider their dating history a "plus."

“The data shows that the vast majority of singles are actually quite cognizant of the habits or behaviors that are potentially sabotaging their dates or relationships,” said Shannon Smith, public relations director at Plenty of Fish. “As a result, they are putting in the effort to build on their experiences to become more compassionate communicators, better listeners, and generally more self-aware – thereby creating a more welcoming environment to date better.”

The survey also revealed the most popular ways singles are working to improve themselves for future partners in mind: going to therapy and working through past trauma (37%), exercising (37%), getting more sleep (36%), consuming self-improvement content like books and podcasts (35%) and prioritizing self-care (33%).

As a result of their efforts to improve themselves, people said they are learning how to consider the feelings of others (43%), learning how to appreciate the little things (39%) and learning about the importance of appreciating love languages (38%).

A third (35%) have found learning new and better ways to communicate and listen especially helpful.

Over three-quarters (77%) believe the benefits of self-improvement can extend across multiple areas of their life, including dating.

“Whether singles are meeting potential partners in app or IRL, the experience should feel low pressure, welcoming and fun – but it can feel overwhelming if you don’t know where to begin,” continued Smith. “My suggestion is to first look inwards. When you’re happy with who you are, you’re better equipped to love others.”

5 THINGS SINGLES ARE LEARNING FROM SELF-IMPROVEMENT EFFORTS AHEAD OF THEIR NEXT RELATIONSHIP

• How to consider the feelings of others – 43%
• To appreciate the little things – 39%
• The importance of appreciating love languages – 38%
• New and better ways to communicate and listen – 35%
• How to compromise – 30%

Survey methodology:

This random double-opt-in survey of 2,000 single or casually dating Americans, aged 18 to 26 and 27 to 41 was commissioned by Plenty of Fish in partnership with A Call to Men between Jan. 18 and Jan. 25, 2023. It was conducted by market research company OnePoll, whose team members are members of the Market Research Society and have corporate membership to the American Association for Public Opinion Research (AAPOR) and the European Society for Opinion and Marketing Research (ESOMAR).