Woman considered suicide after pregnancy, menopause body changes

By Barney Riley via SWNS

A woman who gained weight after childbirth and menopause says she hated her body so much she considered suicide.

Billie Steele, 51, has shed more than 60 kilos (132 lbs) over the years.

But during her weight loss journey she has fallen into depression and gone to rehab.

At the age of 35, Billie gave birth to her second child and weighed around 87 kilos (191 lbs).

In nine months, she had gained 32 kilograms (70 lbs).

Billie worked hard to lose the weight she had put on and by the time she was 46, she had finally managed to lose 30 kilograms (66 lbs).

Just two years later, at the age of 48, Billie started menopause.

The effects of menopause meant that Billie quickly put the weight that she has spent more than 10 years losing back on.

For the mom-of-two, it was a very difficult time. She felt "insecure, worthless and unlovable."

She fell into depression and even considered suicide.

When she realized she had hit rock bottom, she admitted herself to a mental health facility.

Billie, who is from Newcastle, New South Wales, Australia, said: "I had planned to take my own life several years ago and I had gotten very close to executing that plan.

"I made a very harrowing phone call to a Rehabilitation Centre in Sydney and begged them to take me because I literally did not know how to move forward with my life.

"Thankfully they admitted me and I was treated there for 21 days for depression, adult and childhood trauma and anxiety.

"I was medicated for these mental issues for some time and I really didn't want to be on this medication for the rest of my life.

"So I started to wonder if I could manage my mental health issues with a lifestyle change and that's when a tentative plan for change began to percolate."

Billie left rehab in December 2019 and in May 2021 she joined her local gym for a 12-week challenge to get herself started.

Billie said: "I was so nervous and self-conscious, I didn't stay long on my first visit but I did it despite how terrified I was.

"Then I kept going back, I got more confident using the equipment, I was getting stronger mentally and physically and my mood started to change.

"I started to feel hopeful, instead of feeling kind of 'meh' all the time.

"I was starting to feel like my old self."

As her physical health started to improve, so did her mental health.

Billie started to rely less on her anti-depressants and eventually weaned herself off them around one year ago.

Then her eating habits drastically changed and she removed processed food, sugar and more recently alcohol.

Billie said: "I started to cut back on alcohol until I completely stopped drinking alcohol about four months ago - I was a massive binge drinker.

"Every choice I have made to improve my health has come from a burgeoning love of self.

"As cheesy as it sounds I had to fall in love with myself."

Billie cited that the most rewarding things about her fitness journey were the health benefits.

"I sleep better. My mobility is amazing. My strength is better than it was when I was in my 20s.

"My mental health has improved to such a degree that I don't take any antidepressants anymore."

Billie said that the secret to her weight loss was realising that she only had one life and didn't want to waste time being in unnecessary pain.

In a message to others in similar situations - in particular women - Billie said: "My advice to women would be 'just start.'

"Even if it's walking around the house 10 times. Then the next day walk around the house 11 times.

"There are so many 'perceived excuses' that people make to justify why they can't lose weight or get healthy. They are not actual reality.

"Anyone can get up off their a*** and move, do star jumps, sit-ups, push-ups, jog around the house, down the road, walk to the park, carry their kids on their backs, wall sit…the list is endless.

"You don't need a gym membership. You don't need a personal trainer. You don't need anything but a genuine desire to change your life and the belief that you can.

"I did burpees at home for months before I got the courage up to go to a gym.

"If you want something bad enough you will get it, it's as simple as that."

Billie added: "Two years ago I felt insecure, ashamed, disgusting, stupid, worthless and unlovable.

"The last two years have been so much more than just a fitness journey.

"I have learned more about myself in the last two years than I have in the last 50".