How this mom overcame ‘parental burnout’

By Emma Dunn via SWNS

A mom who felt "dread" at the thought of being with her kids all day shares how she healed from her "parental burnout."

Alicia Murray, 33, looks after her two boys - aged six months and three - all day before working in the evening when her husband, Eric, 33, arrives home.

She said she couldn't "justify" the cost of childcare but started to feel the impact of her long days.

Alicia said she would get tired to the point where a nap, good sleep or coffee wouldn't fix it and she'd feel "dread" in the morning.

She felt a lot of "guilt" and "shame" over her feelings but after recognizing her parental burnout she found some ways to cope.

Alicia made a conscious effort to make sure she was eating and drinking and gave herself rest and recuperation days once a month - where she just hangs out with her kids at home.

She also got past her shame in asking for help and keeps checking in with herself.

Now she helps other moms combat their feelings over parental burnout.

Alicia, a therapist and owner of Convenient Counselling Services, from Syracuse, New York, US, said: "I was tired to the point of where a nap, good sleep or coffee doesn't fix it.

"I had this difficulty about waking up and being with my kids all day.

"I love waking up and being with my kids, so why am I waking up with dread?

"It comes with a lot of guilt and shame.

"Parents are being pulled in so many different directions.

"I don't think we were meant to be full time as parents."

Alicia structured her work to be able to be at home with the kids while her husband is out working as a project manager.

She said: "Childcare is really crashing.

"Previous generations could rely on parents. A lot of ours are still working.

"Private childcare is very expensive. I had to think 'am I making enough to justify it?'"

Alicia noticed she was so burnout she wasn't taking care of her own needs - by often missing meals.

Now she has recognized the cycle and puts methods in place to try and hinder burnout.

She said: "I'm making sure I'm eating and drinking.

"I started doing an R and R day.

"It's me and the kids in our pajamas and we don't leave the house. There are no classes to go to.

"I don't try and cook anything big. I let loose with the iPad. We're just hanging out.

"I really enjoy it - it's a day off."

Alicia has a rest and relax day every month and also found asking for help has been beneficial.

She said: "I found asking for help difficult.

"I'm really working on removing the guilt and shame around asking for help.

"It's hard from the outside to see. They see you home all day - what do you need help with?

"It's seemingly mundane things like asking my husband to pick up groceries on the way home instead of going out with the kids."

Alicia says the parents she speaks to struggle with an "immense guilt" and recommends they block mum influencers who give them an "icky feeling".

She said: "Block them if their content doesn't serve you.

"Check in with yourself once a day - even for a couple of seconds like while you're brushing your teeth, or making your bed."

Alicia says parents should be intentional about their time.

She said: "There are so many barriers to stop us to get that time.

"Sometimes my kids nap in the car and I go to a drive by Starbucks or go get an ice cream.

"It's about thinking 'what can I do for myself even if it's small?'

"I can love my kids and be burnt out. I can want to be a parent and be burnt out.

"I can be burnt out but grateful for my kids."

Alicia's top tips for coping with burnout:

• Find mum friends you can confide in
• Take a rest and relax day with your kids
• Take time for yourself if you can - even if it is small
• Check in with yourself
• Take care of your basic needs
• Block mum influencer who don't serve you
• Ask for help