‘Emotionally monogamous’ couple claims swinging isn’t cheating

By Ben Barry via SWNS

A couple who go swinging together say it' not cheating because they are sexually polyamorous but emotionally monogamous.

Lacy M and her husband Dan, both 40, joined the swinging community after the breakdown of their respective marriages.

The pair met on a swingers dating app and after becoming official decided that they wanted to carry on swinging and "explore" their sexuality further.

But the couple admit that they do get jealous when their partner is with other people - and will talk through it.

Lacy, a content creator, from Nashville, Tennessee, said: "For me, I wasn't necessarily looking for a life partner.

"I was enjoying the swinger lifestyle, but it was nice to have someone where I could still be free to live this life and have this relationship."

Dan, a content creator, added: "I was very similar to Lacy, we were both in long-term relationships and I was married for 13 years - she was married for seven.

"When Lacy and I first met, I was jaded to the whole system.

"I was against relationships altogether at that time but from talking to Lacy constantly and meeting her my opinion changed."

Lacy and Dan were both in long-term relationships before they met.

Dan was married for 13 years and has two children and Lacy was married for seven years and has one child.

After those relationships ended, the pair got into swinging.

Lacy said: "I had been single for a couple of years and had several long-term relationships that didn't work out.

"The last guy I dated told me there was a club where people could go have sex and you could watch.

"The thought of watching and being watched was definitely a turn on for me.

"I started doing research into the swinger lifestyle and I joined a swinger website - the rest was history."

The couple first met on a swingers website in 2019 and started messaging.

At the time Dan said it seemed "sketchy" as he didn't see "beautiful" single girls on the app.

Dan said: "She messaged me first and I was skeptical as you don't see a lot of beautiful single women on these sites.

"I wasn't sure but we chatted a bit and exchanged a few pictures.

"Later that night she turned up at my hotel room and she was a very real person."

The couple continued to message back and forth before becoming official in September 2019.

After four years of being a long-distance couple they moved to Nashville, Tennessee and started a life together.

Despite being in a relationship together, Lacy and Dan wanted to continue with the swinger's lifestyle.

Lacy said: "For me, I loved the ability of exploring my sexuality.

"I love exploring these things with my partner.

"We are emotionally monogamous but very much sexually non-monogamous."

Dan added: "The sex is great, orgies, couples swaps and meeting up with single females is amazing - but also the community is amazing.

"If you are an adult in your 30s through to your 60s there are not a lot of social things people can do.

"Swingers have it down, half the people that come to the parties come for the party and are not there for sex."

Lacy and Dan said that boundaries are important when it comes to swinging.

They are always in the same room, any communication with people is done through group messaging and they always wear protection.

Despite the boundaries, Dan and Lacy said they can experience jealousy from time to time but say it is natural.

Lacy said: "Jealousy is a feeling - it is about how you cope with it.

"I can get jealous when he is softer with girls if he rubs her face or back or kisses her passionately.

"For me, it is making sure I tell Dan it is bothering me.

"The problem comes when you experience these feelings in the heat of the moment and you make a scene."

The pair said that swinging is a great way to build a network of friends and will regularly meet up with friends they have met in the community.

Dan said: "Meeting new couples and forming a connection with them can be hard so a lot of times we rely on our long-term friends.

"We have a lot of couples that we are friends with benefits and there is a lot of emotional connection there similar to how anyone is friends."

Lacy and Dan said their family have been overall supportive of their lifestyle but some members of the family were shocked at first.

Lacy said: "I come from a very open and accepting family.

"I was fortunate in that sense, they love us and they are accepting.

"Someone told my son at school so I had to have that conversation with him.

"I wish he could have found out from me but he is in middle school and there is a certain level of people saying 'your mom is a swinger.'"

Dan added: "My dad is a real supporter of it and my mum doesn't talk about it.

"She said as long as it was safe and ok, that was it and we don't talk about it.

"We're really lucky, we have friends who have family members in the church and aren't able to see their parents.

"We have been very fortunate with our family and their support."