Parenting expert’s six tips to get closer to your kids

By Michael Lee Simpson

A therapist has revealed six parenting tips for building a stronger connection with your child.

Melinda O’Neil, 37, an associate licensed Professional Clinical Counselor in Pleasanton, California has been a therapist for one year and counseling children for seven.

O’Neil — also the mom of a six-year-old son — focuses on connection, empathy, and personal growth as key components of effective parenting.

From fostering independence to encouraging emotional intelligence, here are her top expert-backed tips for parenting.

1. Become a fan

It’s easy for parents to tune out when their child is talking about video games, dinosaurs, or the latest pop star — but O’Neil says engaging with their interests is crucial for bonding.

“[Renowned physician and educator] Maria Montessori always said, ‘Follow the child,’” O’Neil said.

“That means embracing whatever they’re into—whether it’s excavators, the alphabet, animals, or trains.”

She acknowledges that parents may not always love their kids’ taste in music, but she encourages them to listen anyway.

“We never like our kids’ music,” she said.

“But listening with them means you know what they’re listening to. Plus, it’s a great way to bond. If they want to go to a concert, chaperone!

"Even if you don’t love the artist, bring some earplugs — it’s about showing interest in their world.”

2. Rephrase your questions

Parents often ask, “How was school today?” only to be met with a one-word response. O’Neil suggests taking a more intentional approach to foster open communication.

“Ask specific questions about their day,” she said. “Instead of ‘How was school?’ try ‘Did you see your friend today?’ or ‘What was the funniest thing that happened?’”

By engaging in detailed conversations, parents create an environment where children feel safe opening up. “Make communication a two-way street,” she said.

“It’s not just about you talking at them or them talking at you — it’s about having real conversations where they feel heard.”

3. Own your own mistakes

Kids are always watching, and O’Neil says parents should be mindful of the behaviors they model.

“If you make a mistake, own it,” she explained. “Say, ‘I got really frustrated and shouldn’t have reacted that way. Next time, I’ll take a deep breath.’”

By doing this, parents show kids that mistakes are a normal part of life and that they can be handled with accountability and grace.

“It’s a lot of pressure because kids are always copying us,” she admitted.

“But modeling healthy responses teaches them how to navigate emotions and interactions in a positive way.”

4. Try new things

While it’s important to follow a child’s interests, O’Neil also stresses the value of trying new things.

“Structured activities beyond the park — like cooking classes, new hobbies, or different restaurants—help kids expand their world,” she explained.

“And if they’re hesitant? Encourage them anyway. Remind them, ‘You might like it!’”

She acknowledges that not every new experience will be a hit.

“If they try something and truly don’t like it, that’s okay,” she said. “Congratulate them for trying. But the key is to keep encouraging curiosity and new adventures.”

5. Let them be emotional

Emotions can be messy, but O’Neil says learning to sit with them is crucial for emotional intelligence.

“Feelings can make us uncomfortable, but if your child is experiencing one — let them,” she advised. “Be present. Sit with them in their sadness, frustration, or joy.”

She notes that emotions naturally cycle every seven minutes.

“Give them that space,” she said.

“If they’re crying, tell them, ‘It’s okay to cry.’ Even if it makes you uncomfortable, practice sitting with it instead of shutting it down.”

6. Parent yourself

The best parenting starts with self-growth, O’Neil says.

“One thing I see every day is that many parents weren’t taught how to manage their own emotions,” she explained.

“So as adults, we’re almost re-parenting ourselves.”

She stresses the importance of self-reflection.

“The best thing you can do for your child is to become a healthier version of yourself.

"Acknowledge your mistakes, work on your emotional responses, and show yourself the same compassion you’d show them.”

At the end of the day, O’Neil says parenting is about connection, empathy, and being willing to grow alongside your child.

“Promote empathy and compassion,” she said. “And that includes being compassionate with yourself.”