Finance expert reveals key to avoiding friendship money drama

By Amy Reast

A finance expert has shared the one question you can ask in your friendship group to stop "wage gaps" breeding resentment and causing fallouts.

Peta-Kay King, 30, says it's quite common for individual young adults within groups of friends to have wildly different salaries, and now being open and honest can cause huge tensions.

The finance coach from Romford, London, said always beginning discussions about meals, events, or holidays by asking "what's everyone's budget?" is key to friendship bliss.

And she said if you are the friend who can't afford pricy days out, don't lie or make false excuses.

Instead, she advises you to suggest an alternative arrangement, or even offer to host at your home.

She also gave tips on how to delicately offer to cover someone else's share - without making them feel awkward.

"You're navigating emotions, expectations, relationships - and also not wanting to disappoint," she said.

"I think a lot of the time, people with smaller budgets end up overspending because they feel uncomfortable sharing that things are a bit tight this month.

"But if you don't have the conversation, it can spiral into other issues - including resentment.

"As a culture in general, we need to work on having these conversations.

Peta-Kay said her friendship group makes a habit of beginning the discussion by asking, 'What's everyone's budget?'.

That way, they can plan to stick within that budget from the outset - and she said they've "never had any issues" because of this.

She said when the bill comes at the end of a meal, you shouldn't be afraid to ask to pay for what you've ordered, if others have eaten more expensive meals than you.

If everyone else wishes to split the bill, you can remove the cost of your own items and they can split the remainder equally between them.

Peta-Kay said, "If you want to build a relationship where you can be real with people, if they're truly your friend, they will understand."

If plans seem out of your price range, you don't have to go into details, but you should be honest, she said.

She said, suggesting to rescheduling for next month, inviting people to your home as a host, or joining the group after a meal for just drinks, are all good options.

Peta-Kay said: "You could suggest trying to do something nearby - there are often free shows or markets you could go to."

But she warned that lying to get out of revealing that you can't afford to attend something can be worse in the long run.

She said, "There's only so far it can take you.

"If you're seen as a friend that always makes an excuse or cancels on you, they might stop inviting you.

"Some people, on the other hand, feel the need to over-explain - but you can just say it isn't in your budget, or suggest something else.

"But if you say you're not available, and then you're caught doing something else out and about, the lie can catch up to you."

On the other side of the argument, if you have more money to spend compared to others you are with, there are also ways you can handle the divide.

If you wish to, it is possible to respectfully offer to cover the cost of a friend so that they can attend - but you should do so cautiously.

She suggested: "Don't do it by text - but you can call them and ask, 'If I were to cover you, would you come?'

"But when it comes to making offers, be clear about what that means.

"If it's a gift, make sure they know that - don't leave it open as to whether you'd expect them to pay you back.

"But you don't have to offer, even if you're in a better financial situation."

She suggested to ensure you don't continually miss out, set aside a 'leisure' budget out of your monthly salary to pay for social events.

And to account for things like birthdays in advance, as well as budgeting well ahead for events like weddings.

She added: "Ultimately, it's about trying to create a culture in your group around money where things work at the level you're all comfortable with."