Tired of dating apps? How this woman found love offline

By Lauren Wilkin

A woman finally found love after she ditched dating apps and embraced the latest dating trend — SABSing.

When Lara Caine's long-term relationship came to an end, she relied on dating apps to feel less lonely.

Lara, now 46 from Ashford, England, said: "I went on dating apps when I was 30 and I just remember it being a constant cycle of bad relationships. It's an emotional roller coaster."

Lara says she kept meeting the same kind of people and repeating the same mistakes.

"You stop trusting your judgment after bad experiences," she said.

Finally, having had enough, she deleted the apps and decided to focus on herself.

And that's when she met Lewis, 49, her now husband, after they were introduced via a new friend she met at a bachelorette party.

The trend of meeting people "naturally" in person, rather than using technology, is being coined as "SABSing" — standing for "to see and be seen."

It refers to going out to public places in the hopes of meeting new people, rather than staying at home and swiping on the apps.

When Lara first downloaded the dating apps, she felt like she was at rock bottom, unable to find love.

"I had come from a big breakup," she said.

"And before that I'd always had co-dependent relationships, unhealthy ones where it was unbalanced.

"The dynamics were controlling, and in one or two there was definitely coercive control.

"It really wasn't good, and it was heading to a bad place. But I got out before it got bad.

"I went for people who needed rescuing because I felt like I could rescue them. I just felt like other people's needs were more important than my own.

"But this meant I didn't really value myself, I didn't know how to love myself, and I didn't feel worthy enough without even realizing."

To cope with the breakup, Lara, a hairdresser at the time, downloaded multiple dating apps.

But she realized she was just repeating the same patterns with the men she was swiping right to.

"I was trying to talk myself into liking people, my self esteem was really low. I started to lower my standards, and I was trying to impress people that weren't even my type.

"I kept living out the same thing.

"You stop trusting your judgment after bad experiences on the apps. You think that you're the problem."

Lara wanted desperately to settle down, get married and have a baby. But she knew she didn't want to settle for the wrong person.

"Having a baby is the ultimate commitment. And the dating apps weren't working," she said.

So, after three years, at 33 years old, she deleted them and decided to focus on herself.

"I went for life coaching, and it rewired my brain. There were layers of work I had to do to change the way I saw myself.

"It's the story and narrative you have about your love life.

"If you think 'all men treat me badly' then you live that narrative. You have to completely change your mindset and start valuing yourself.

"After I'd done the work, I just held myself in such a different way."

Lara started to put herself out there more to meet new people, including a new friend she met through a bachelorette party.

This friend then introduced her to Lewis, 36 at the time.

"I actually had a second date lined up that night. But I knew it didn't feel right. So I trusted my judgment and canceled to meet Lewis.

"I adored him straightaway."

Lara says Lewis treated her like no one else had. He respected her.

"Within six months, we were trying for a baby.

"It felt so easy and so comfortable. When you meet the right person you don't have to shapeshift in any way, you don't want to change anything about each other."

The pair met in 2013, by 2016 they were engaged and expecting a baby. By 2017, Lara had given birth to their boy, Harrison, and the couple were married.

Not long after their marriage, in October 2023, their vows of "through sickness and in health" were tested when Lara was diagnosed with colon cancer.

"We caught it early, thank god, so I didn't need chemo. But the surgery was huge and there was a lot of recovery.

"I had a temporary stoma bag for a year and a half, and it was really traumatic.

"No one can you prepare you for that. You hear the word cancer and you think you're going to die."

"But I was so thankful to have Lewis there. He was amazing. My biggest cheerleader."

Lara, supported by Lewis, made a full recovery and the stoma was reversed.

Inspired by her experience, Lara ditched hairdressing to set up her own life coaching business for women seeking relationship help.

"I trained for two years, got my experience and qualifications, and then set up Lara Lee coaching to help other women have the experience I did.

"It was magical because my first client said I'd changed her life.

"She'd found someone and they were treating her like she'd always wanted to be treated. And the only thing that had changed is that she knew her own value. She loved herself.

"I just want more women to be loved for who they are. I just want to help women break their cycles and their limiting beliefs around love and what's possible for them.

"I never tell my clients not to use the apps. They can be a really good way of meeting people. But before they use them, they need to love themselves first.

"And that's not just about a bit of self care. Women need to change the way they approach love and how they see themselves, and their identity around love."