Couple says this is the secret to a happy marriage

By Holly Mei-Yu Stafford via SWNS

A couple who haven't slept together in three years says the secret to a happy marriage is dating other people.

Polyamorous couple Lisa van Sand, 60, and Everett Harlow, 63, have been married for 36 years and even pick each other's outfits for date nights with other people.

After being monogamous for years, Everett revealed in February 2010, that he'd slept with one of their friends.

Lisa says she was "grateful" that Everett had told her which sparked the couple to explore other options within their marriage.

Five years ago the pair embarked on their polyamorous relationship and haven't looked back.

Everett, a woodworker, has since been in five relationships and Lisa has three long-term boyfriends, who all live in different states.

Lisa, a polyamorous coach, from Fla., said: "Our marriage isn't for everyone, but it certainly works for us.

"Many married couples live parallel lives but without connections but Everett and love each other but happen to date other people.

"We're able to find amazing qualities in other partners that we don't bring to the table for each other.

"My husband isn't a naturally romantic person, so he loves that I've found people who treat me romantically.

"Everett, however, seeks a physical connection as he has a higher sex drive than me.

"We haven't slept together since 2021 but we're emotionally closer than ever since opening up our relationship.

"We keep each other in the loop with everything- when I go on dates Everett will even help me choose what to wear.

"We're having the time of our lives but at the end of the day, we'll always chose each other."

After meeting through mutual friends in 1986, Lisa and Everett got engaged just two months later and tied the knot in 1987.

The couple say they've always been open to the addition of other sexual partners with others within their marriage.

After 23 years of marriage, Everett shared the news with Lisa that he'd slept with one of their mutual friends after a night out.

Welcoming the news, Lisa was grateful to her husband for the update, and the pair later decided to start exploring other options.

They considered swinging but both agreed it would be "a step too far" as they were after "real connections".

In October 2019 Everett started a relationship of his own, with Lisa doing the same three months later.

Lisa also joined an online BDSM community, FetLife, where she was able to learn more about boundaries and communication.

The couple consider themselves in a parallel polyamorous relationship meaning they date other people separately whilst still being married to each other.

Lisa is in three different relationships all of which have lasted four years.

"Dating other people has helped us experience outlets that we are lacking from each other," Lisa said.

"In polyamory, everyone is entitled to be jealous but it's the person's responsibility to handle their jealousy.

"We never had jealousy of each other having partners, but it was making sure that the other partner wasn't looking for monogamy.

"Some people have their own opinions about polyamory but that's their business.

"I'm not a horny housewife looking to get laid.

"I'm married to my best friend but also looking for genuine connections and I've found them in three different partners.

"I love going on dates with my boyfriends; we go for dinner, drinks or interesting museum exhibits.

"We're 100% transparent to each other with our relationships- it's the only way we've been able to make it work.

"Some people may say we're just kidding ourselves but me and my husband are closer than we've ever been.

"We communicate better than some monogamous couples do and we're closer than ever."

Everett added: "Lisa and I practice, kitchen table polyamory where each other's partners become part of our circle of friends.

"I consider some of Lisa's partners my friends as we genuinely get on.

"Us guys can talk football and it saves Lisa from hearing about it."