Couple says abstinence helped their marriage of 21 years

By Emma Dunn via SWNS

A couple who were celibate for five years – despite both being sexually active previously – say abstinence helped their marriage but that it’s not for the “faint hearted."

Tashawnda Jamison, 47, asked her partner, Alton, 45, if he would wait to have sex until they tied the knot – because she wanted it to be “special”.

Tashawnda was raised in the church and Alton had “found God” around the time they met – but they had both previously been intimate in relationships.

They both agreed to stay celibate as they felt their relationship felt “different.”

The couple lived separately and abstained from sex for five-and-a-half years before they finally tied the knot.

They say consummating the marriage on their wedding night was “gentle” and “sweet” and now 21 years and two children later they feel their intimacy is even “better”.

Tashawnda, a math teacher, from Baton Rouge, La., said: “We made a vow. We wanted to honor that vow but it was definitely difficult.

“Sex doesn’t then get in the way of clouding your judgement.

“I got to see that true person.”

Alton, an engineer, said: “I think there is a lot to be said about your last love as opposed to your first love.

“I don’t want to do the same thing I’ve done with everybody else. I want it to mean something.

“I want to offer something meaningful. It’s not for the faint hearted.

“It takes a lot of boundaries and willpower.

“Real men love for a lifetime, not just for a moment.”

Alton and Tashawnda met at gospel choir and were friends for three months before they started dating in December 1997.

Tashawnda felt she had made “mistakes” previously by sleeping with men and asked Alton if he would remain celibate until marriage with her.

She said: “I wanted to rectify that.

“I wanted to save myself for marriage. I wanted it to be special.

“He agreed reluctantly.”

Alton said: “If you sleep with a person what makes that person you marry any different to any other person?”

The couple set up a bible study to help them stay celibate and they lived separately for five-and-a-half years.

Alton said: “It’s difficult and tempting. It’s not for the faint hearted.”

Alton finally proposed in October 2002 when they were both out of college and ready to start a life together.

Tashawnda said: “It had been over five years. I didn’t want this to be a long relationship just for nothing.

“He proposed and I was a little teary-eyed and said of course.”

The couple got married in July 2003 and consummated the marriage on their wedding night.

Tashawnda said: “It was sweet. It was gentle and thoughtful.

“It didn’t feel like it was ordinary.”

Alton said: “It had been a long time coming. It was worth the wait.

“It felt right. I didn’t feel like we had cheated the system.

“You get an entire marriage to figure one another out.

“It makes that area of your marriage more special.

“It added a lot more excitement.”

The pair welcomed their daughter, now 16, in July 2007, and their son, 11, in 2012.

This year they are celebrating 21 years of marriage – and credit their successful relationship to their faith and remaining celibate while dating.

Alton said: “I feel like intimacy gets better as you get older.

“It’s still a priority.”

Tashawnda added: “Our faith has really kept us going.

“I don’t want to do life without him.”