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Dating & Relationships

10 questions you should be able to answer about your partner

"That’s the main tip for couples - asking questions and not assuming."

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By Jake Meeus-Jones via SWNS

A relationship expert has revealed a list of 10 questions you should be able to answer about your partner.

Lauren Consul, 34, has shared the all-important questions couples should be able to answer about each other in a video.

The questions covered a range of topics, including smaller things like knowing how your partner likes their eggs cooked.

But they also include knowing what your partner is stressed about and how often they would like to have sex.

Some of the other thought-provoking questions are: Knowing what your partner's dream job was when they were in school and how your other half likes you to flirt.

In the video - which has racked up over 3.5million views in TikTok - Lauren says if you can answer all of the questions then 'you're doing something right.'

The professional relationship therapist, from Los Angeles, revealed that a lot of people commented saying that they were struggling to answer some of them.

Young black indignant male gesticulating, arguing with his dark skinned girlfriend, who is standing against wooden wall with crossed arms, looking away with deeply offended expression on her face
(Cast Of Thousands via Shutterstock)

She said: "A lot of people were able to answer a lot, but then some responses were saying they didn’t even know this about themselves!

"Others said things like: 'we argue about small things,' but I always say that it's not about the topic, it's about what's underneath the argument.

"The argument is actually about ‘do you see me?' and ‘Do I matter?’

"The questions were inspired by clients.

"A lot of couples will come in and have something small that they’re fighting about - little things that create big moments.

"Some couples come in and end up saying: ‘this is my roommate.’

"We continue to stay connected to somebody if we understand them in a deeper way.

"If you're not paying attention to the smaller things as well, it’s like you’re not fully seeing your partner."

Having been a therapist for more than seven years, Lauren uses the phrase 'death by a thousand paper cuts' to describe relationships that fail.

She said: "You've got to notice those small things and make the effort.

"We are wired to connect with people. When we don’t feel seen or heard by them it can create pain."

For those who struggle to answer Lauren's questions, she says it's important to cultivate an 'environment of curiosity' and 'never assume.'

"That’s the main tip for couples - asking questions and not assuming," she said.

"We are constantly evolving and answers change, don't assume you already know."

"They don’t have to be super deep questions; you can start simple. Ask them about their day and how they’re feeling

"It also doesn’t have to be about the relationship.

"For some couples, it is high stakes to talk about their relationship so start conversations about other things like work, the media, TV and just life in general.

summer holidays, love, romance and people concept - happy smiling young hippie couple hugging outdoors
(Ground Picture via Shutterstock)

"The disconnect can happen over time but try and make sure you continue to engage with questions and don't assume."

Lauren makes sure she applies the same thinking to her own relationship.

She said: "I have two kids, so I know how easy it is to get into the routine of life.

"We spend all of our time together but there are times when we might feel disconnected so it’s important to ask each other how we're feeling.

"Make the relationship as much of a priority as you do other things.

"I’ll put notes on my phone next to my partner's number, with things that I know he likes and things that we can do.

"It’s so we can make the effort to do those little things."

Questions you should be able to answer about your partner.

1. Do you know how your partner likes their eggs cooked?
2. What would your partner consider to be a big purchase?
3. What was your partner's dream job in school?
4. If you were to arrive at a bar before your partner, what would they want you to order?
5. How frequently would your partner ideally want to be having sex?
6. What is something that they're very self-conscious about?
7. In what direction do they like the toilet paper, over or under?
8. What is their biggest tell that they are stressed out?
9. How do they like you to flirt with them?
10. What are some of the biggest stresses in their life right now?

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